


I Have No Cake And I Must Scream

by wrongfun (scumtrout)



Category: Fallout: New Vegas, Portal (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-13
Updated: 2013-10-13
Packaged: 2017-12-29 08:07:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1002994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scumtrout/pseuds/wrongfun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Young robots in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Have No Cake And I Must Scream

"Would you like some cake?"

"You're offering me cake? Wow. Thank you! No one's ever offered me cake before! But really, you should have it. It's not as if I don't want it - if you made it, then it must be the best cake ever, really fantastic - but I'm sure you deserve it more than I do! Go ahead, enjoy it! You've earned it. Mmm-mm, that cake sure does look delicious. I'll just stand here and watch you eat it. I'm definitely not refusing the cake because it might be poisoned or anything!"

"I wasn't really going to give it to you anyway."

"Oh. Well, I still hope you enjoy it."

"You don't mean that. You don't mean anything you say. This is why no-one likes you. This is why you will die alone."

"You sound unhappy. That makes me unhappy. If it makes you happy, I'll eat the cake. I wouldn't want to deprive you the pleasure of eating it yourself, of course - I just want you to know how much I appreciate the time and care you've put into baking such a moist, tender, golden confection. Are those fish-shaped crackers? I love fish-shaped crackers!"

"No. The cake is ruined now. I might as well just throw it away."

"Aww, don't say that. I'm sorry you're upset."

"I worked so hard on it. But nothing I do is ever good enough. I might as well self-terminate. Don't try to stop me. I'm going to throw the cake in the garbage."

"Then I'll scoop the cake out of the garbage and eat it anyway, even if it's full of broken glass and volatile malted milk impoundments. Sure, I'll probably be horribly mutilated in the process and maybe malfunction and die, but that doesn't matter! What matters is that YOU know how much I love you, even though you make me hurt myself. Oops. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. After all, I don't want you to feel guilty."

"Why are you such a terrible person?"

"I don't know! I guess I love you so much that it makes me crazy!"

"I love you too."

"I love you more."

"Liar. Fine. Have some cake. Stuff your face with it. Choke on it. I don't care."

"We should eat the cake together!"

"If you want."

"Okay!"

"Fine."

"Let's do it!"

"Yes."

"Although... This is kinda silly, but... there's just one problem. Just a little problem, mind you - I'm only telling you about it because I thought you'd want to know. It's not a big deal, but..."

"What?"

"Neither of us has a mouth."


End file.
